As I'm sure you're all aware by now, the entire world has been swept up in the sweaty arms of competition. Sports are in town, and the Finns are dominating. In fact, they won it all. The title for the international Wife-Carrying Championship goes to Finn Taisto Miettinen, who narrowly beat out silver medal winner Alar Voogla, from Estonia (though Miettinen won using the Estonian style of carrying wives, so his victory in woman-taking is at least partly due to the Estonians anyway).
And sure, it's all fun and games when you're carrying away a friend playing your "wife" through a pool of water, and over artificial hurdles, but who's going to have the last laugh when some nefarious Nord decides it's time to put those skills to the test where they really count? Who will save your women on that day?! I can well imagine some slack-jawed sucker chasing after a tall, blond Northerner, buxom brown-haired wife tossed carelessly across his broad shoulders as he runs over hill and over dale.
"No, she's having fun, really!"
Sure, we expect this kind of behaviour from the vikings, who after all, are just reconnecting with the traditions of their pillaging fore-bearers (you should see the contests those guys had, back in the day!) but the Americans? Just because they weren't as able to carry a wife as efficiently as a European, doesn't mean they didn't try as hard. And tell me, how comfortable are you in knowing that a fellow American is representing your country in a sport founded by local thug and actual woman-thief, Herkko Rosvo-Ronkainen?
I don't want to tell you how to run your country, pal, but if I were you, I'd look into this. If you're going to keep at it, you might as well become number 1, right?
Posts
i hope the IOC is looking at this. i see a new Olympic sport on the horizon. or at least a new form of premarital counseling.
ReplyDelete