Only the Fat Will Survive!

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About a week ago now, I read an article in the newspaper that suggested the body’s immune system actually targets and attacks fat, but gets overwhelmed by constant eating, and so is unable to effectively prevent massive build-ups of the stuff. However, there was good news! Apparently, scientists are working on a pill that will try to aid the body in destroying fat. Someday soon, the scientists promise, we could all be thin and glamorous (well, they didn’t promise the glamorous part, but it can’t hurt to dream, right?)

At first, I was as happy as you are! Thin, because my body destroys fat better than Chuck Norris destroys reason with his fists of fury, rather than because I skipped that third slice of cheesecake. Life was going to be good again. I could smell the succulent meals, the meats and vegetables doused in sweet, buttery sauces, the sugar-topped pastries, and calorie-laden soft drinks (I never drink diet soda – that stuff’ll kill you, you know).

Then, I’m afraid, my cunning but annoyingly overactive brain (damn you, thoughts!) began to take over. It isn’t too much to imagine increasing food shortages in the future, as populations rise and arable land disappears beneath a sea of asphalt. What if we suddenly all run out of food, and my lean, fat-burning machine of a body is suddenly deprived of its calorific delights?! I might be more than just upset. I might actually get hurt!
Imagine this as a movie commercial: In a time… when the air is hot and dry, and the fields have become cracked deserts, food on Earth has begun to disappear. A species hooked on fat-burning pills designed to destroy energy without processing it will find itself facing its greatest challenge yet, and… only the fat will survive!

I’d be doomed! The drugs, no doubt made addictive by some clever pharmaceutical marketing drone, would be an unbreakable habit! Every time I ate, all the energy gained would be ruthlessly targeted and destroyed, leaving me to starve! Oh, God, no!

If I had any skills with photoshop, this question mark would be replaced with a cleverly created mock movie poster, but alas...

Damn you, science! I suppose I have no other choice than to go back to staring forlornly at the dessert case as I pass it by for… ugh… more vegetables.